I Want to Live...For God

I thank my God every time I remember you.
-Philippians 1:3

Everytime after ministering to people, I feel drained. It is as if someone has taken something away from your body.

It feels good to be able to stand in the gap, listening and praying for them, but I know the evil one is not happy. I don't know how to describe that feeling. Mental malfunction? Emotional fatigue? Spiritual attack?

I told God I want to be an angel to everyone around me, if not, as many people as possible.

He answered my prayers by sending me difficult people, unlovable people, people with problems or depression etc. at different periods of my life. Sometimes it's really hard to soothe or even calm them especially when they start crying. Sometimes when the conversations become tense, I would have to receive scoldings too.

I'm not sure why. Old and young, guys and girls, tend to pour out their hearts to me, sometimes I have to put my work aside just to pay attention to them. I guess it's my willingness and availability to listen/attend to people that God sees in me that allowed Him to bring people to me.

However, I dread what comes next everytime. I gained friends who would trust me more than ever after that, but I also lost a friend through this kind of experience. I almost lose all my confidence, myself during that period of time. Sometimes when imaginations or nightmares that something bad will happen to him/her comes, I would wake up from my sleep or work and pray. And that can be just so physically tiring.

Just be glad Angela.. Be glad that you have someone and something to pray for every night before bed and every morning when you wake up. It's a blessing to be able to pray for someone else apart from yourself. =) After all, that's what you wanted to do right? Yup, I will not give up caring.

ok, shall count this as a blessing, instead of being so melancholy... =P